We’ve all worked with that person. You know the one—they walk into the room and somehow the energy shifts. Suddenly everyone’s talking about what’s wrong, what won’t work, and why things are getting worse.
Maybe it’s the colleague who starts every Monday complaining about management. Or the team member who turns every brainstorming session into a “why this will fail” discussion. Perhaps it’s someone who seems addicted to drama and crisis.
Here’s what I’ve learned in over 30 years of working with organizations: dealing with negative people isn’t just about managing them, it’s about understanding why they’re stuck there and refusing to get stuck yourself.
The Brain Science of Negativity
Did you know negativity can actually become addictive? When people are under chronic stress, their brains produce fear chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol (and 1400 others). Over time, these chemicals can become really habit-forming.
People stuck in negativity literally see danger everywhere because those fear chemicals shut down their higher brain functions. They awfulize, catastrophize, and disasterize situations, creating mental pictures of worst-case scenarios. Then they ruminate and “marinate” in their own negativity until it becomes their default state.
It’s important to hold compassion for people trapped in this cycle—they’re essentially stuck using only a portion of their brain.
Your Role in the Negativity Cycle
But here’s the uncomfortable truth: you might be playing a role in keeping that negativity alive.
Have you “labeled” this person as negative and now only see them through that lens? Are you allowing your buttons to be pushed without awareness? What are you focusing on when you interact with them?
Remember: what you focus on expands. If you’re constantly bracing for their negativity, complaining about them to others, or gossiping about their behavior, you’ve become part of the problem.
From Victim to “Virtuoso”
The shift from victim to virtuoso happens when you realize you have more power in this dynamic than you think.
Stop being a victim. Stop complaining about them and start taking the high road. Use your own positivity practices to ensure you’re coming from a place of ease, not judgment, when interacting with them.
Look for the bright spots. Even the most negative person has moments of contribution. When you catch them doing something right, acknowledge it. Behavior that gets rewarded gets repeated.
Engage them in solutions. Instead of letting them dwell on problems, ask asset-based questions: “What’s working well?” “What’s possible here?” “What do you want to see happen?”
When Direct Conversation is Needed
Sometimes you need to address the behavior head-on. Here’s how to do it with positive language:
“At our company, we treat each other with respect. The constant complaints about the new policy are spreading negativity and affecting team morale. I’d rather focus on what’s working and how we can make improvements. What’s one positive thing you’ve noticed about the changes?”
“I value our relationship, but when you keep rehashing negative situations, it’s draining. I can listen for 5 minutes if you need to vent, but then I’d like to shift to solutions.”
(As my Mom got older, her attitude got pretty negative. I checked in with her nightly and sometimes I would announce “Time’s up!” after listening to her complaints and sad stories for more than 5 minutes. Then of course I would ask her about the good things that happened that day – and there were always some. Funny – every once in a while she would ask for “2 minutes more” of negativity that is. We’d always get a good laugh out of that.)
Creating Positive Capacity
Remember, positive emotions evolved because they serve an important purpose—they broaden our capacity to create solutions. When you shift focus from negative to positive, you literally create an opening in the brain that makes everyone smarter and more creative.
Strive for a 5:1 positivity ratio—five times more positive thoughts, comments, and actions than negative ones. Start meetings with gratitude. End them with appreciation circles. Keep a running list of “the best things about working here.”
Setting Necessary Boundaries
Some people may not respond to increased positivity initially. In those cases, you need boundaries. Listen with limits—give them a specific time to vent, then redirect. Don’t amplify their negativity with your own negative stories.
And remember: you can’t fix everyone, and they may not want to be fixed. Some people enjoy marinating in their negativity.
Your Choice, Your Power
The question isn’t whether you’ll encounter negative people, you will. The question is: will you be a victim of their energy, or a virtuoso who chooses your response?
You have more power than you realize. Use it wisely.
What’s one way you could shift from victim to virtuoso in a challenging relationship this week?
With appreciation, JoAnna
P.S. If your team needs help building skills for managing difficult dynamics while maintaining positive culture, my workshops provide practical tools that work in real-world situations. Sometimes the most negative person can become your greatest challenger—and that’s exactly what your team needs to grow stronger. Hit the reply button and tell me what your top people concerns are! JoAnna@ReturnOnHappiness.com I have the power to create a “special sale” for you!
