The Choice That Changes Everything
I was reminded this week of something profound: How you communicate is a choice.
It’s not just what you say, but how you choose to make the other person feel in that moment. It’s a choice to make a difference in the life of another human being.
Think about it—every single interaction you have today will either build someone up or tear them down. There’s really no neutral ground in human connection.
The Hidden Cost of “Just Getting Through” Conversations
We’ve all been there. Rushing through emails. Half-listening during meetings. Going through the motions of “checking in” without really connecting.
But here’s what we often miss: all of your communication has consequences.
- Good communication builds relationships and increases productivity.
- Poor communication damages trust and slows everything down.
- Your choice in each moment creates a ripple effect you may never see.
Our communication comes from a combination of the words we use, the tone of voice we speak with, and the body language we carry into the room (or onto the screen).
For decades, people have quoted the “7% words, 38% tone, 55% body language” rule as if it applied to all communication. In reality, that statistic came from a very narrow study about conveying feelings when words and tone don’t match—and it’s been oversimplified into a myth.
Today’s research tells us something far more interesting: while the exact percentages shift with the situation, non-verbal cues (tone + body language) still carry a huge share of the meaning—often 60–80% in emotionally charged or ambiguous conversations. Even on Zoom, your facial expressions, posture, and gestures influence how your message lands.
Which means this: how you show up matters just as much—if not more—than the words you choose. The energy you bring into an interaction, the way you make eye contact, the warmth in your voice… these are the things people remember long after the specific words fade.
And yes—even over Zoom—the largest portion is still body language, which is why those camera-off meetings can feel so disconnected.
The Win-Win-Win Secret
I’ve been teaching something I call “Win-Win-Win Communication” for years, and it starts with this foundation:
When you do it right, you win. They win. The relationship and the business wins.
But here’s the catch—it requires a few things most of us aren’t naturally good at:
✨ High self-awareness (knowing your emotional state before you speak)
✨ Ability to hold opposites (being firm in your beliefs while remaining open to theirs)
✨ Listening through their filters (not just waiting for your turn to talk)
The Filter Problem
Speaking of listening—we all listen through filters: our beliefs, past experiences, assumptions, and expectations.
When someone says something that triggers you, ask yourself: “What filter am I listening through right now?”
Sometimes the most generous thing you can do is put your filters in “neutral gear” for a moment and really try to understand what they’re actually saying—not what you think they mean.
A Simple Practice That Changes Everything
Here’s something you can try this week:
Before your next important conversation, shift your attention to the area around your heart. Breathe deeply and slowly. Activate your genuine desire to understand them.
Ask yourself: “How can I make this person feel heard and valued, even if we disagree?”
This isn’t about being “nice” or avoiding difficult conversations. It’s about having those conversations in a way that strengthens the relationship instead of damaging it.
The Feedback Gift
One more thing: Feedback is a gift. Both giving it and receiving it.
When someone offers you feedback (even when it’s poorly delivered), try responding with curiosity instead of defensiveness. “Tell me more about that” can be the most powerful phrase in your communication toolkit.
And when you give feedback? Lead with appreciation. Catch people doing something right. The research is clear: we need five positive interactions for every one corrective conversation.
Your Choice This Week
So here’s my invitation to you: choose one person this week who you’ll communicate with differently. Maybe it’s someone you’ve been avoiding a difficult conversation with. Maybe it’s someone you take for granted. Maybe it’s someone who consistently frustrates you.
Choose to show up as your best self in that interaction. Choose to really listen. Choose to make them feel valued, even if you disagree.
Because how you communicate truly is a choice. And that choice has the power to change someone’s day, their perspective, or even their life.
The great teacher, Jim Rohn said, “For things to change, you have to change.” The beautiful thing about communication is that when you change how you show up, it almost always changes how others respond to you. Try it and see what happens.
With appreciation for you,
JoAnna
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The JoAnna Brandi Museletter is published weekly to help you spread more positive energy in your workplace and life. Forward this to someone who could use a reminder about the power of positive communication.
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